Women's experiences · After a traumatic birth
I Don't Remember My Baby's Birth
The short answer
Many women have gaps in their memory of the birth, especially after an emergency caesarean, a general anaesthetic, heavy bleeding, seizures from pre-eclampsia, or a frightening labour. It isn't a failing on your part. You have a right to know what happened. The two main ways to find out are a birth debrief with a midwife or doctor, and a copy of your medical records. Most women want answers, not a lawsuit. But if the records show warning signs were missed or care was delayed, you may want to get legal advice.
"Everyone else knows my baby's birth story but me."
Your partner remembers. The midwives remember. Somewhere there are notes that record every minute. But for you, there's a blank, or a jumble of flashes: bright lights, a mask, someone shouting, waking up hours later with your baby somewhere else.
People ask how the birth went, and you don't know what to say. You may feel robbed. You may feel like you weren't really there. You may lie awake trying to piece it together.
You were there. You went through it. Not remembering doesn't make it any less yours.
Why memory gaps happen
There are several reasons women lose parts of their birth:
- General anaesthetic for an emergency caesarean means you were asleep for the birth itself
- Heavy blood loss can leave you faint, confused or drifting in and out. See postpartum haemorrhage
- Severe pre-eclampsia or eclampsia and the medicines used to treat it can affect awareness. See missed pre-eclampsia
- Exhaustion and pain relief after a very long labour
- Trauma itself. COPE, the Centre of Perinatal Excellence, notes that after a traumatic birth some women experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress, which can include difficulty remembering parts of what happened
In plain terms:
Your brain may have protected you, or medicines may have meant you weren't fully conscious. Either way, the gaps are a normal response to an abnormal event. They're not something you did wrong.
Asking for a birth debrief
A birth debrief is a conversation, usually with a midwife or obstetrician, where you go through what happened using your records. COPE's guide to recovering from a traumatic birth suggests going over the birth with a midwife or doctor to help fill the gaps.
Researchers at Western Sydney University have examined midwife-led birth debriefing as a way of supporting women after psychological birth trauma.
Things you might ask:
- What happened, step by step, and why?
- Why was the decision made for an emergency caesarean, or instruments, or a general anaesthetic?
- Where was my baby, and who was with them?
- How much blood did I lose, and how was that treated?
- Was anything unexpected? Would anything be done differently?
You're also entitled to an honest explanation if something went wrong. In NSW, this is called open disclosure.
If this is landing for you, and you're still trying to work out what happened, I'm happy to talk it through. Often the first step is simply understanding.
Our free case review includes gathering your records and preparing a timeline of your birth, so you can finally see the whole story. It costs you nothing.
Getting your medical records
You have a right to a copy of your records. The Office of the Australian Information Commissioner explains how to access your health information from private providers, and that 30 days is generally a reasonable time to respond. Public hospitals are covered by state law and have their own processes. For example, see South Eastern Sydney Local Health District's page on requesting your health records.
Ask for the complete records, not a summary. That means:
- antenatal records and any hospital visits during pregnancy
- labour and birth notes, the partogram and CTG traces
- operation and anaesthetic reports
- observation charts, blood loss records and blood test results
- postnatal notes, and your baby's records if they went to the nursery or NICU
Reading the records, and what to look for
Records are written in shorthand and can be hard to follow. Reading them can also bring up strong feelings, so it may help to have a support person with you.
Things that sometimes stand out:
- Time gaps, where nothing was recorded for long periods
- Abnormal readings, such as high blood pressure or a racing heart, without a documented response. The SOMANZ hypertension in pregnancy guideline sets out how high blood pressure should be managed
- Concerns you raised that weren't recorded or acted on
- Delays between a decision, such as calling for a caesarean, and it happening
- Your baby's condition at birth, such as Apgar scores and cord gases. See HIE explained
Not everything that looks worrying means something went wrong. But these are the sorts of things a lawyer would ask an independent expert to review.
Support for what you're carrying
Not remembering can be its own grief. The NSW Parliament's Birth Trauma Inquiry report heard from many women about the lasting psychological effects of a traumatic birth.
If you're struggling, PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia) offers a national helpline. Your GP can also refer you to a perinatal psychologist.
When the answers raise questions
For many women, understanding is enough. For some, the answers show something that shouldn't have happened, such as:
- warning signs that were missed, like reduced movements or rising blood pressure. See reduced foetal movements
- a long delay before an emergency caesarean. See caesarean safety and your rights
- failed forceps or vacuum attempts. See failed instrumental delivery
- bleeding that wasn't treated quickly
- an explanation that doesn't match what's in the notes, or concerns that were brushed off. See when being dismissed becomes a legal issue
If that's you, you can raise concerns with the Health Care Complaints Commission or talk to a lawyer. For one woman's story, see "Breaking the silence".
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal not to remember giving birth?
Yes, it's common after a general anaesthetic, heavy bleeding, a very long labour or a traumatic birth. It isn't a sign anything is wrong with you.
How do I find out what happened during my birth?
Ask the hospital for a birth debrief, and request a full copy of your medical records, including labour notes, CTG traces and operation reports.
Can I get my birth records?
Yes. You have a right to access your health records. Private providers should generally respond within 30 days. Public hospitals have their own processes under state law.
Do I need to remember the birth to make a claim?
No. Claims are based on the medical records, witness accounts and independent expert opinion, not only your memory.
A closing thought
You may never get every moment back. But you can get the story, told honestly, and decide what it means for you.
So here's a question to sit with: what's the one thing about that day you most want to know?
Keep reading: Free case review · Birth trauma and obstetric negligence
This article is general information only. It is not medical or legal advice, and it doesn't replace advice from your own doctor, midwife or physiotherapist. Reading it does not create a lawyer–client relationship. If you are in crisis, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 000 in an emergency.
